Sheep

I went to buy some Icelandic records. I was looking forward listening to vinyl and asking for recommendations. The guy from before wasn’t there.Instead, a blonde version of the actor from Black Book. A stunning version of him. He played an Anathema song I hate three times. I couldn’t focus and felt like vomiting until it was replaced with country music. I don’t like it too but it’s less sickening. I stood before him with records and eating half of the consonants and vowels, asked to listen to them. I ended up choosing two.

At the cash register, he asked me something and I blurred out something very stupid (eating my vowels) realizing later that he meant something else. My face was probably the color of a sunset at a northern shore.

When I was 14, in a shop in Belarus, I told mom I can’t talk to people looking straight into their eyes. She loudly pointed out to the guy at the register saying, go ahead and practice on him. Our eyes met and he was gorgeous. I never went back to that shop ever again.

At 29, and even though I unintentionally pretend to be better than everyone else, I get intimidated by people who I perceive to be cool.

I’m tired of this phenomenon and so, I’m going to work without makeup and my hair in a bun. And will stop thinking of people that they’re anything less than idiots.