Take it or Leave it!

“What the hell am I doing here?” not a day goes by without me asking this question. Why did I leave my comfort zone, my friends and dived into the unknown. The minute I sniff a future difficulty I head there. But the truth is I’m not that strong and I can’t even photograph if I’m emotionally involved. I didn’t achieve the main thing I came here for and I ended up digging more weaknesses. Today, after a rough start I felt a chest ripping happiness for no reason. I just realized that I asked the universe before leaving to teach me how to heal and become beautiful. The lessons are there somewhere. I received the word ‘patience’ today in a message and it was the key word for this abrupt happiness. I forgot that this is the main lesson I can’t seem to learn after all of these years. I just need a little patience and faith that this journey will take me somewhere. I’m just a bit slower than the others. It takes me twice as long as it is for them. I’m worried all the time, what if I don’t have what it takes? Then I got this message: это конечно пафосно звучит, извини, я бы тебя обнял, чтобы ребра хрустнули, но по другому нельзя - тропа возникает под шагами идущего. And I’m filled with will.
I think I’ll become beautiful when I’ll become stronger. And by beautiful I mean with no more mental abuse, clean. But that’s another topic. Anyways, patience is the first step plus more space inside. Even if it means I’ll hide under the bed for longer time. I give myself this promise; I’ll try all what I can to not rush me. I’ll give me some more air from now on.