Sunday, January 8, 2017

Each Of Us Molds Their Heart Themselves

"каждый лепить свое сердце сам." зиленый поросенок.


My soul sister's answer to why she's not posting more blog entries, was that she feels it's becoming more personal and she's not sure which audience she wants to attract. I haven't given it a thought actually. I'm running this blog mainly for myself. I don't post everything obviously but I don't really mind being open. I'm a grown up and can handle my own decisions.
Speaking of decisions and not just "I paid 200 euros for tests I don't need" kind of decisions, but I took an 8-hour train to see an old flame kind of decisions. Hmm... mixed feelings :)
I decided not to think about the reasons why things keep turning the way they are. I'm positive if my love was met the same way, it would've been different.
Going home for the winter break was an amazing decision. It warmed me inside out. I went back to all the people and places I could fit in two weeks. I remembered my forgotten practice and principles. I remembered his voice and smell. And the way his idealism irritates me :) Cried my heart out and flew back to where I'm slowly building my home.
I think emotions just like energy, they don't disappear but change from one state to another. Thus, the love to another person is never destroyed. It's always there, just in another form.
And for the sake of not carrying this energy with no purpose, I'll do my best to chose better. Whether it's friends or lovers, my heart is a bit tired of carrying all of this baggage.