I've Got Stars On My Fingertips!!

Entry XVII

Entry XVI

My new insight about love. I think it’s the state when you wanna become your best because of someone. The state I’m in right now is, me picking up all the slacks, pulling myself together and on start again. I’m filled with desire to improve, to finally be able to do handstands and wake up at 5:30 am to run.

I wonder if that makes me beautiful.

Will I be imprinted in his memory as he’s imprinted in mine? Was everything said and done real?

The only thing I can think of at this very moment is that I want you back. I wanna wrap my arms around you hard enough so you would never leave again.

I’m having a fever, I think I’m sick or something, yet all I want to do is to start those handstands.

Worthless Youth

At cross roads,

often delusion and weariness,

 stop us more often than we want.

The signs are flimsy and unreadable, yet we believe so fiercely in them.

We observe the heart beat , the mood swings and read too much.

We reach cross roads, lonely and lost

The soil between our fingers crumble like dessert crust

But it was never so fertile as the time when we reached it together.

Our fingers intertwined and always afraid that the other would pull away.

We’d fall and shatter and no one we’d hear us

Our cries are silent like small villages’ nights,

where booze put inhabitants to sleep.

We all wake up forgetting, oblivious by choice

“I’m an insect now”

We tell ourselves,

“I’m an insect now!!”

Mixed with chuckles of men hiding in barns, clucking their jugs together.

The flags fluttering making tunes

only our ears could hear

We dance and sway

And convince ourselves that our days didn't fleet for nothing.

I will love you always

Even if our nights stretch to cover our reality

Even if the crossroads will bring me to you no more.

Once I chose to turn your direction

Leading me to an unknown place

Where my weaknesses are highlighted

And my charm is as valuable as a barren land

Turning for labor to fill in the minutes passing by

And no one has the desire to keep me.

Maybe it's the reason we cross

To find somebody to keep us

The talentless, the desireless

The awkward , the unconfident

We love with contempt

We clutch viciously to air

 throwing away bits of ourselves

At each crossroad

There are traces of us

Traces of our boredom and potency

 of unglamorous age

Of clumsy feet and adolescent sweat

With images undeveloped for no one would press the shutter

  

 

Entry XV

Lately, I've been hanging out with kids more than I'd like to! I guess I miss teaching and bossing these kids around.